Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
