the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
