that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
