Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
