the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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