upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
