Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
