I smell stomach acid.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
