Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
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Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
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I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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