I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
