Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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