Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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