Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I want her autograph on my taint
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
