this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
