I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
