I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
