I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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