i barfeds in our rink
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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