he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
