I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
