bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
