The best revenge is premature balding
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
