dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
