I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
