you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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