Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
