life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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