There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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