If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
