like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
