just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
