why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
