So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
