Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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