First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
