So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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