Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
