apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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