sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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