Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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