so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
