At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
