Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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