Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
