im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
