Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
