come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
