we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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