stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
