You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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