Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
