You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
