he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
