Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
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I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
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We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.