he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
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I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
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Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots