I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This show inspires me to have sex in space
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.