I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i love accidental penises.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
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