i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys