I cockslap morals
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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