I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
