I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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