OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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