People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
