$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
