Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
how does that bad decision feel?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
