Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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