I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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