Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
