Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
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Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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