I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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