Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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