hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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