happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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