he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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