today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
