My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
third nipple confirmed
you made out with another girl for some wings
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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