community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize