How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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