Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize