So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think your dad took our porno
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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